Walk A Mile In Someone Else's Shoes

Life for rent
Or do you want to buy
Maybe just try on for size
We could even trade
Maybe yours is
Better than mine
     

        I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have wished to trade places with another. Wondering if their life was better than mine, or wondering how they would react to the things that I deal with from day to day to day to day. I have been through much in eight and half years time, but the last three years of my life have been most difficult, (Some would say I'm putting it lightly), but I try to remind myself that there are others going through the same thing and worse. After Nate left I thought my world would end, I found myself wondering what the heck I was going to do with myself and three children. I would have to start all over, get a job, go back to school at 30, when my only hearts desire was to ever be a homemaker. To stay at home and raise my children, to love them and give them a secure home. Now I find it is up to me to find us a decent place to live and to provide for my children, granted I am getting child support and spousel for a time. There are times when I find myself losing faith and I need a reminder every once in a while who is in control.
I remember within a week of Nate leaving is when I had been gathering all his stuff together and had cut my small finger severing the tendon. Who would have thought! I remember sitting in the ER waiting for the doctor to sew me up and then thought I better ask the doctor why I was unable to bend my finger. (It was stuck straight up.) He thought it a good idea to send me to a ortho doctor the next day. So I go to the ortho doctor and he tells me I severed my tendon and would have to have surgery asap! He starts calling surgeons right in front of me, which freaks me out! Lol Anyway I walk out with a weird looking cast thing on to keep my tendon from rolling to my wrist and beyond :). Long story short, in the time I'm waiting for the date of my surgery to come around my tendon did indeed roll to my wrist. Therefore a 1 hour surgery took 4 hours and more cuts and stitches. More scars to add to heart scars. Lol, I remember coming to in the recovery room very confused and asking to see my Granddad. Ugh I was sicker than a dog from all the meds. Then when I went in several weeks later to get my stitches removed, I totally passed out at the sight of how horrible way my finger and hand looked, not to mention the pain was intense. I scared my poor sister who had caught me as I slumped over in my chair and slid to the floor. I woke up on the table they had swiftly cleared off to lay me on.
        After the surgery I was in a cast for a very long time, unable to lift or do dishes, which is very hard when you have laundry and a 2 year old. Thank God for many friends that were great servants and did my laundry for me, my sister who mopped and swept. My mom was a life saver and was finally able to come and cook and clean and just help me out! During the time my mom was here I was without water for a week and without hot water for an entire month! Talk about getting stretched to the max and wanting to give up! During that time period I ended up in the ER again with intense pain, most definitly comparable to child birth. After an all nighter, (That Ang and Maribel did with me, love them!), and tons of tests. I find out I have a bad gall bladder. I am suppose to have removed, but am trying a few things first. I am DREADING another surgery!
There is sooo much more to my story and would take a life time to tell, but that being said I will bring this to an end. I have seen God's faithfulness, and love, and patience, and kindness, and patience........ He has provided me with many friends who are fabulous! A family that supports me! I am anxious to see how God works all this beautiful mess out because so very many times I am ready to "throw in the towel" and give up. I am reminded of what Paul wrote telling us all that he has learned in whatsoever state he is in, that he has learned to be content. Oh that I could grasp it as Paul did! What and example to follow!

Let It All Out

How does one even begin to start a blog containing all that I am about to share. I have received many private messages through Facebook of concern and questions regarding what has been going on in my life the past six months or so. Nate and I had been having marital problems for quite sometime, years really. This update isn't to put blame on one more than the other, or to be the next gossip column. Nate and I have been separated since July 31st and are currently in the middle of a divorce. It has been quite a long road full of heart ache that has finally brought us to this point. I have never been one to make such a serious decision with out much prayer, thought, and counsel. After finding out some very serious things in my marriage over a year  ago I decided to forgive and prayed for full restoration. This one thing I will say is, that I truly gave it my all! I dug my heels in and was determined to make it work. But in July issues begin to surface again and after years of a difficult marriage I really set myself to pray this time what God would have me do. He has released me this time.
I would love your prayers as I try to basically start all over again. The children could use your prayers as they work through things they dont quite understand. I look forward to what God has and what He will do, knowing He is ever faithful to me even when I fall short so many times.