Northbound Plane

        It will be two years in April/March since I have been to the ranch to visit my parents! I have been dying to visit home for a good year now but was unable to make it. An Uncle and Aunt of mine in Washington state purchased tickets for the children and I! They have been such a blessing so many times, and now I am able to get away for a much needed break!
You can't even begin to imagine the simple little things I am looking forward to that I at one time took for granted. For instance this morning I flipped the switch to light the hot water heater so that I could take a hot shower and it lit!!! It lighting without the Emerald helping me rarely happens. The problem was that it didn't stay lit long enough for me to shower, so I got by with washing my hair in cool water. I can't wait to have hot water at my disposel for several weeks! Yesterday I spent over three hours at the laundry mat and at least fifteen dollars. I can't wait to be able to use my mom's washer and dryer for several weeks! I can't wait for good home cooked meals! It is so hard to cook real good meals in a little camper with no counter space and not a big stove. That is one thing I greatly miss is baking and cooking! Its funny some of the stuff I use to complain about like not feeling like cooking all the time and now I could about die for lack of missing it!
Yes there is a bunch of other stuff I could write about concerning my living conditions but I won't right now. I don't write this with the intention of just complaining, but it helps to write and to anyone who reads don't ever take anyone or anything for granted. God willing when I return from Montana I will have a place to rent for the kids and I!

Walk A Mile In Someone Else's Shoes

Life for rent
Or do you want to buy
Maybe just try on for size
We could even trade
Maybe yours is
Better than mine
     

        I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have wished to trade places with another. Wondering if their life was better than mine, or wondering how they would react to the things that I deal with from day to day to day to day. I have been through much in eight and half years time, but the last three years of my life have been most difficult, (Some would say I'm putting it lightly), but I try to remind myself that there are others going through the same thing and worse. After Nate left I thought my world would end, I found myself wondering what the heck I was going to do with myself and three children. I would have to start all over, get a job, go back to school at 30, when my only hearts desire was to ever be a homemaker. To stay at home and raise my children, to love them and give them a secure home. Now I find it is up to me to find us a decent place to live and to provide for my children, granted I am getting child support and spousel for a time. There are times when I find myself losing faith and I need a reminder every once in a while who is in control.
I remember within a week of Nate leaving is when I had been gathering all his stuff together and had cut my small finger severing the tendon. Who would have thought! I remember sitting in the ER waiting for the doctor to sew me up and then thought I better ask the doctor why I was unable to bend my finger. (It was stuck straight up.) He thought it a good idea to send me to a ortho doctor the next day. So I go to the ortho doctor and he tells me I severed my tendon and would have to have surgery asap! He starts calling surgeons right in front of me, which freaks me out! Lol Anyway I walk out with a weird looking cast thing on to keep my tendon from rolling to my wrist and beyond :). Long story short, in the time I'm waiting for the date of my surgery to come around my tendon did indeed roll to my wrist. Therefore a 1 hour surgery took 4 hours and more cuts and stitches. More scars to add to heart scars. Lol, I remember coming to in the recovery room very confused and asking to see my Granddad. Ugh I was sicker than a dog from all the meds. Then when I went in several weeks later to get my stitches removed, I totally passed out at the sight of how horrible way my finger and hand looked, not to mention the pain was intense. I scared my poor sister who had caught me as I slumped over in my chair and slid to the floor. I woke up on the table they had swiftly cleared off to lay me on.
        After the surgery I was in a cast for a very long time, unable to lift or do dishes, which is very hard when you have laundry and a 2 year old. Thank God for many friends that were great servants and did my laundry for me, my sister who mopped and swept. My mom was a life saver and was finally able to come and cook and clean and just help me out! During the time my mom was here I was without water for a week and without hot water for an entire month! Talk about getting stretched to the max and wanting to give up! During that time period I ended up in the ER again with intense pain, most definitly comparable to child birth. After an all nighter, (That Ang and Maribel did with me, love them!), and tons of tests. I find out I have a bad gall bladder. I am suppose to have removed, but am trying a few things first. I am DREADING another surgery!
There is sooo much more to my story and would take a life time to tell, but that being said I will bring this to an end. I have seen God's faithfulness, and love, and patience, and kindness, and patience........ He has provided me with many friends who are fabulous! A family that supports me! I am anxious to see how God works all this beautiful mess out because so very many times I am ready to "throw in the towel" and give up. I am reminded of what Paul wrote telling us all that he has learned in whatsoever state he is in, that he has learned to be content. Oh that I could grasp it as Paul did! What and example to follow!

Let It All Out

How does one even begin to start a blog containing all that I am about to share. I have received many private messages through Facebook of concern and questions regarding what has been going on in my life the past six months or so. Nate and I had been having marital problems for quite sometime, years really. This update isn't to put blame on one more than the other, or to be the next gossip column. Nate and I have been separated since July 31st and are currently in the middle of a divorce. It has been quite a long road full of heart ache that has finally brought us to this point. I have never been one to make such a serious decision with out much prayer, thought, and counsel. After finding out some very serious things in my marriage over a year  ago I decided to forgive and prayed for full restoration. This one thing I will say is, that I truly gave it my all! I dug my heels in and was determined to make it work. But in July issues begin to surface again and after years of a difficult marriage I really set myself to pray this time what God would have me do. He has released me this time.
I would love your prayers as I try to basically start all over again. The children could use your prayers as they work through things they dont quite understand. I look forward to what God has and what He will do, knowing He is ever faithful to me even when I fall short so many times.

and Sometimes Your Heart Just Breaks For Your Children

I looked out my front door this morning overlooking our neighbors property and saw a enormous manufactured home being delivered to them. I couldn't help but watch her reaction as she watched the men pull in with her home, her hands were held to her mouth, and I imagined she had tears of joy running down her cheeks. Our neighbors and their two kids have also been living in a camper for the last 10 months! So her joy must have been overwhelming as she watched the men working to steady her new home.
I decided to call the kids to the door, thinking they would think it cool to watch these trucks deliver an enormous house! But the minute I heard all their squeals of excitement; I knew I had made a stupid mistake! "Eeeeeeck, mama, mama, is that our house!!!???" I wanted nothing more than to have a control in my hand so I could rewind my stupid moment. I went on to explain that this was Brodie's house and we were glad that they were getting a new house. With disappointment and question in the girl's voice they asked when they would be getting a new house. I told them someday we would; that we will have to keep praying. But Trey, (bless his little heart) at 2 was not so easy to convince. In his little toddler talk he proceeded to argue with me, "No Trey's house!" I would reply, "No sweetheart, its Brodie's house." "NO, Trey's house!" This went on every time he would look out the window. All that I was finally able to do was give him a silent smile of love. It broke my heart, and I had to leave the room a couple of times so the children wouldn't see the tears that threatened to slide down my cheeks.
Through the many stuggles that we still have as a family I have one hope and He is my un-ending strength! I must continue to be satisfied in what I have and trust Him for what I do not have! I will also pass this lesson on to my children and God will give me strength to live it before them! "But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them." Heb. 11:16

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Might As Well Be A Shoe Box

So I was reminded this morning by a friend on fb that I am indeed in tornado season. Tornado season can be scary I'm sure even when you live in, uh let's see, a regular brick house in Texas. But its a whole new level when you live in a freaking flimsy 24 foot camper! I am learning that fire warnings and high wind warnings are pretty much an every day thing here in West Texas. I am not in agreement with this! We moved here in August of 2010, where I quickly learned exactly what a, "high wind" warning was and how high they get! For instance when its blowing 60 mph it really feels like a 100 mph. When my camper is moving around like it has the stomach flu, it does not feel safe! I repeat Does Not Feel Safe! I learned how to gaither personal items, kids and dogs and kinda gently throw them into my Ford Explorer. After going thru a fire, mold infestation, and uh well I don't feel like being in my camper if it decides to blow over. Plus I most certainly do not want to be in the shower fo sho! This wind and tornado season though, I will learn from last years vacating experiences. First and for most, don't leave at the drop of a hat, secondly don't freak the kids out, thirdly don't lose the dog, oh yeah and last but not least, make sure your vehicle has gas! I could go through greater detail on all the hysterical things we grab when vacating and how we react, but you might die of laughter. This tornado season I will not be leaving so quickly, as it can totally rearrange ones day, we will practice calmly gathering items that make sense and not injuring a child mentally or physically when loading the vehicle. Really though I am most certainly dreading tornado season!

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Bedtime

How do I even begin to write all that goes into bedtime preparation when living in a camper trailer with 3 children? First there are the breathing treatments with the nebulizer for all 3 kiddo's! Its a chorus of nebulizer machines, because those things are NOISY! Also a good 45 minutes is needed to get everyone set for bed, especially when putting both Pulmicort and Xopenex into the nebulizer. (I have become quite good at spelling and understanding medical jargon.) Then there is the whole pajama thing. Emerald's are in her medium sized red duffel bag, Chloe's are in a clear storage container with a blue lid, and Trey's small black duffel bag is on top of Chloe's container. Their cloths, I might add are extremely frustrating to get to at times depending on the traffic of bodies! OK, now back to the process of bedtime. After they have clean underpants put on and jammies, then the part that Nate and I like to pass back and forth is; the teeth cleaning. I hate supervising the children during their nightly teeth rituals! I don't know why I do, but I strongly dislike it! After all that I think the best part of bedtime is putting them IN bed. As you have probably figured out we are in a small camper, we have one double bed to 5 people, oh and the little couch that folds into a bed. The couch bed is bigger than a single bed, but not as big as a double bed and certainly not as comfortable as either one. Anyway, we put the kids in the "bedroom" on the double bed as close to 8:pm as we can. We put Chloe and Trey up at the head of the bed and Emerald across the bottom. Then starts the battle of actually getting 3 kids to fall asleep in the same bed. It is a battle! Delicately put, they get "disciplined," during this time. After they have FINALLY fallen asleep Nate and I can hopefully have at least an hour of quiet time. But OF course there is one last thing we have to do before Nate and I can go to bed. Move all 3 children from our bed to the couch bed. After we make the couch bed up, we place Emerald at one end and Chloe and Trey at the other in such a way that their feet and leggs touch. I won't lie I feel bad for how my little ones have to sleep, especially Emerald who has complained about not being able to stretch out. Hope

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lunch

so this first post should be rather interesting. all my posts are done on my droid, and to think a hundred years ago primitive would have had an entirely different meaning. lol bare with me for my phone isnt allowing me to do some things. therefore i call this most primitive. god help me. hehe i will have to see if there is a moble setting that will at least allow some uppercase letters and at least an exclaimation mark. spel cheker wood b a plus too mayb. haha
well i was going to write what i had for lunch. one of my new favorite things, pickled okra. i seem to have spread the desire to the rest of my family, as we all seem to have at least two a day. lol it has recently become so bad that chloe has started calling okra ice cream. it kinda tripped me out the first time she asked for ice cream and i told her we didnt have any and she informed me that we did have some. you should see peoples faces when my four year old asks for ice cream and i hand her a pickled okra.lol

hope